Sometimes I Wonder

The initial wonder came not from the flow of events or the immense amount of detail and explanation, but rather the desire to read the novel. The title itself helped me get into the story. As weird as it may sound, the prologue made me want to read more. I just love the way N. Scott Momaday writes his story. At first, mostly because of complaints about the confusing path his story takes, I found myself agreeing with the rest of the class. Then I noticed that the way he writes to his readers is meant to confuse them. And if not, this is my theory. I feel like he wants his readers to get lost in the story, almost how Abel gets lost in the world around him and instead of dwelling on the things that the rest of his family and Native Americans dwell on, he lets himself get lost in the nature of the valley and his own thoughts. I let myself wonder about what he was talking about...then I let him go on and I found that I was able to make the connection between scenes, even though he doesn't make it obvious in the least bit. This novel definitely sparks some interest because I don't feel one specific way throughout it, and I don't get the feeling of annoyance or boredom from reading it.

Above everything, I love his detail. There is too much detail in regard to imagery as a whole, but it makes me like reading it. I find myself highlighting most of the imagery and  intense details put in to enhance the imagery he wants his readers to experience that I feel that I might have to switch highlighters soon...but I would rather stick with my yellow highlighter than go to my blue one. That's another story entirely. Overall, Momaday has created a novel where I am able to let myself go with the flow and not dwell on the sequence of events and making everything make perfect sense in order and such. I think I like reading this way and being able to have a vivid picture of everything abstract and concrete going on throughout the novel, no matter what scene or character.

Connections

I found it very interesting to discuss the stereotypes portrayed by Diane Burns and Chrystos versus those provided by Jack D. Forbes and Ines Hernandez-Avila. When actually comparing how these different authors presented their ideas of stereotypes, it can be noted that Burns and Chrystos focus more on the Native American stereotypes that have come from the "White Man" and others that are somewhat more ignorant in regard to Native Americans and how they are portrayed through media and stories. The interesting thing to see is how these two poems are very different from Forbes and Hernandez-Avila, yet they are about the same subject. Both Forbes and Hernandez -Avila emphasize the stereotypes of Native Americans WITHIN the people, not by ignorant outsiders and the "White Man." Forbes' story, "Only Approved Indians," invoked an incredible amount of anger and annoyance in me towards some of the Native Americans themselves and the "White Man" presented as well. When he shows to the reader that there is a sense of internal-colonization going on between tribes and among the Native American people, it hurts me inside. I feel the injustice that is going on and how the characters are rejecting language as a way to show and prove that the Native Americans playing in the basketball tournament are indeed Native Americans. Not only does he touch on what is actually of value to people in regard to Native peoples (when he says that their language and the way they look was not good enough to convince the other team and the officials that they were indeed Native Americans, and what they really needed was a BIA card to prove themselves as indigenous), he brings up several stereotypes that are seen even among different native peoples. What shocked me the most was that these stereotypes were started as rumors and if you pay attention to how it is worded in the text, these things include: facial hair (Native Americans aren't supposed to have any) and rule (all Native peoples should be under the rule of the "White Man").

These things bother me tremendously. It doesn't sense to use these stereotypes as a basis to determine whether Native Americans are even recognized as Native peoples to the Bureau of Indian Affairs or not, and these things should not bring up questions of whether a tribe is actually from the United States (as in this particular text) or not. This brings up a major problem for me that is seen when the people are fighting with each other. It obviously doesn't make sense, but it is something controversial to look into when trying to decide if this is really helping the people or not. I think this makes things that much worse for Native Americans because this way they end up losing their culture, and the emphasis on being a true Native American is gone. The members of the Great Lakes team couldn't speak their own languages and yet the Tucson team could, yet they were disqualified based on the idea that they weren't from recognized tribes, they therefore didn't have BIA cards, and they weren't Native American enough to play in the tournament. This is just wrong and it sets the indigenous people back farther than when just the "White Man" was colonizing them.

Finally...

I thought and thought and thought to myself about the word "Indian." It's an interesting word when you think about it as an Indian in America. As discussion after discussion has gone in class, I cringe slightly every time I hear the word "Indian." Not because I think there is anything wrong with that word, no. I am Indian. No, not Native American or indigenous, Indian. I understand that the White Man came to America and called the indigenous people they encountered "Indians," but the acceptance of this word and calling yourself "Indian" when you truly are not, that is giving in to the White Man and his improper label. In other words, it bothers me immensely, more recently than previously, that America's indigenous people are letting themselves be called "Indians." All I can think inside is, "You aren't Indian. I am." Harsh, but true. It took me some time to actually realize that this was a problem for me. Not so much the fact that the indigenous people choose to call themselves "Indians," but the idea that using this word within their own culture, whether on the reservation or not, gives them less of an advantage in getting the amenities they seek from the government. How can a group of people expect to get anywhere when they don't call themselves what they are, rather they call themselves a name, and label themselves with a word, that was given to them by ignorant settlers. That is the part that bothers me the most...I almost feel like it gives them a lack of identity. Using the name of their tribe, or indigenous as a whole, or Native American all show that sense of individuals fighting for their beliefs, they are not a label, they are not to be taken advantage of, they are powerful. But, to me, using the word "Indian" instead of indigenous, or others, is presenting a powerless and passive argument.

This idea was re-sparked in me when I read Diane Burns' "Sure You Can Ask Me A Personal Question." It was always there on the back burner of my mind, but she gives me a reason to bring it to the forefront. When she mentions that she is not American Indian, she is Native American and not from India, it makes me feel good inside. She is recognizing that she has been improperly labeled by ignorant settlers and colonizers and the fact that she fixes her statement shows that she is rejecting the colonization. Another thing that sparked my interest in the second poem, "I Am Not Your Princess" by Chrystos, was when she states. "This is Indian food only if you know that Indian is a government word..." (lines 12-13). This emphasizes the idea that the government has labeled Native Americans this way and that they should NOT accept that. In a sense, they shouldn't be calling themselves what they are not. They aren't Indian, they are Native American, indigenous, and more.

On a different note, I found the ideas portrayed in the tone of the two poets very appealing, especially when read aloud. Being able to hear the hostility or resentment and slight annoyance in each line of these poems gives the reader a sense of how the two women feel about what the majority of people think about Native people as a whole.

Pausing to Reflect

As the pressure intensified and the deadline came fast approaching, rereading the Popol Vuh cleared things up significantly. Reviewing the story for my essay, I found myself lost in the winding turns of the story and its strictly NOT consecutive order, though it gave me no problem. Somehow, reading the story again allowed me to see a lot of the things that I hadn't seen before. Certain things that had been discussed in class and not. For example, when the hero twins travel to Xibalba to face the gods, they aren't fooled. Of course, they ARE the hero twins and are divine and sacred, but what astounded me was not that the boys triumphed over the gods, but the reaction of the gods. As a whole, the gods played tricks and tested the boys, purposely trying to make them fail. With failure, the twins would be sacrificed just as their father(s) had been. Not only did the boys pass every test and slip by every trick, they did it with help from the animals around, such as the Mosquito helping them with the names of the gods. Most surprising was when the gods seemed disappointed in the boys; that now there are these beings that will be able to properly worship them the way they prefer but they don't want it. They wanted the boys to fail so they could be sacrificed, which I found very odd. In this way, the boys seemed to turn the tables on the gods and were able to defeat them, leaving the gods overcome. This gave me a good sense of perseverance and concentration and being willing to take help from others in order to overcome arrogance, and it makes perfect sense.

In general, my favorite part of the Popul Vuh was instantly when the maiden, Xquic, tricks the gods and her father by making her heart out of the red tree sap and pretending to be sacrificed for her wrongly accused illegitimacy. I felt it empowering that she was able to trick the gods so keenly, and in a way this also shows how the gods can be overcome. The best aspect of this concept is when viewing the gods as a whole, they are seen as fallible and it provides that sense of imperfection. The story portrays the message that no one is perfect and that makes for a capturing story.

Why Not?

Not everyone has the confidence to make a bold statement about themselves that is impossible to deny. A tiger lily holds a sense of pride in its petals as though it knows exactly how good it looks. Packed with visual power, beauty, elegance, and strength, tiger lilies are fascinating flowers. Tiger lilies are called "tiger" lilies because of their bold, bright-orange petals and black, almost tiger-like spots. This ferocious flower stands out and makes that statement to the world that they are not one to mess with.

Ask me why a tiger lily. Go on, ask. Well, why not? Not good enough? What can I say, it's the truth. Let me tell you, reader, something that might suffice. All I want to do with my life is associate myself with tigers. I mean, it wouldn't make sense to spend my life doing something that didn't involve one of my passions. Passion is a strong word but it works perfectly. Because tigers are so important to me, as they have been since I was a teeny tiny little girl, I decided to represent how much I love them in a way that most people wouldn't. Tiger lilies have their own way of expressing their ferociousness and magnificence that is surreal and unlike any other flower in any garden in any corner of the world. Just like a tiger, tiger lilies have an air about them that presents their magnificence and power and beauty, along with endless amounts of brilliance and mystery, in a way that I try to relate to.

Confidence. These aspects of both tigers and tiger lilies are all a form of confidence that each shows the world. I have confidence. Tiger lilies represent my entire being it seems and they allow me to prevent myself from losing sight of who I am. Clichéd, yes, but quite true. I have been told by many that I don't lack confidence or belief in myself, or power and strength to pursue my goals; no obstacle will stand in my way for long. Still, I'm not the entire individual I strive to be, and that is why tigers and tiger lilies fascinate me so. I will invoke the same mystery, beauty, power, and magnificence in the way I am viewed by the world as well as by myself...as any tiger does to any presence.

My initial exposure to Native American Literatures from the poems of Leonel Lienlaf and Victor Montejo has been incredible. I am already the kind of person that loves to annotate poems and prose, and the like. I know that's something most people think is crazy or just plain weird, but I think I have a knack for such things. I love to analyze literature. What captures my mind at first "read," if you will, is the ability of the authors to incorporate elaborate personification and imagery with what seems like so much ease. It might be curious for me to say it this way, but I find that remarkable. A variety of authors are able to do this as well, but for some reason these three poems seemed to reveal these aspects to me with more emphasis. My most favorite of the three poems is "Confusion," by Lienlaf. I would call this poem my favorite because, first and foremost, it presents a beautiful picture in my mind. Though the speaker is not depicting a positive experience, he is able to provide the imagery to visualize exactly what is happening to him. Not only does the poem paint a physical picture for the audience, but it simply and clearly presents an underlying meaning that seems to be the loss of identity, and, most importantly, colonization.

Unlike Lienlaf's poem "Uprising," "Confusion" shows the side of colonizing the indigenous people rather than these people neglecting the ideas of the colonizer. In this way, I feel that Lienlaf presents the idea of being unable to deny colonization because the power of the colonizer is too strong to fight against no matter how much the indigenous people try; they have to give in at some point. Something else that I love, and find appealing, about this poem is its Spanish translation. The depiction of the tragedy occurring to, or for, the speaker of the poem is somewhat more magnificent and almost beautiful. This translation, to me, seems to emphasize more of how the indigenous people, and people in general, are unable to completely stick to their culture and they have no chance to prevent its loss, even if only lost for a short period of time, because they are so confused to how it was actually allowed to be lost in the first place. This is an opinion that I get out of this poem, and one that makes me appreciate it even more.